Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize