He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
