the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
