So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i think i have herpe
just one?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
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i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
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Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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