He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
