You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
