dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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