My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Randomize
