I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
