Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
