I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
