Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
