loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
