We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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