the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
