Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
