yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
