all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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