Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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