its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Randomize
