Dignity is for republicans.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
