I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
