sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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