I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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