it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
