It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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