I feel like abortions should bother me more
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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