He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
