Are we in a gay sports bar?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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