dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
