Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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