The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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