I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
