DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
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