i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
