I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
