I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
