You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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