But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Just cropdusted the office
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
