I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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