Fine. I'll sleep in my office
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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