I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
