apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
