Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
