so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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