last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
