i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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