I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Randomize
