apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
