this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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