see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
