i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
