just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
