In the future we'll all be gay
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
