I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
