Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
