is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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