it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
