is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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