apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
