I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Church boner. Awkwardddd
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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