I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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