He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
