She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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