Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
