You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
