I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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