Banned from zoo.
Again?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
