Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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