those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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