Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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