were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
