I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
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