my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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