Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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